Imagine you have an 8 hour overnight flight on a plane. Well you just lucked out. You are sitting there and you an entire row to yourself. You can stretch out, watch netflixs, you feel like you hit the jackpot.
Just as the plane doors are closing a family gets on the plane and you hear a crying baby. You think to yourself “I would hate to be who ever has to sit next to that baby.” The mother and father walk down the aisle and end up at your row. “These look like they are our seats” says the father. “Noooooo” you scream internally. Well you stand up and they scoot by you and sit down and thank you (they are a very nice family). The baby is crying. They try feeding it, singing to it, playing with it, but it is fussy and keeps crying.
What are your options here?
1) You could glare at them, swear inside your head about how terrible the baby and the parents are, complain, and be generally pissed off.
2) You could try to help; maybe get out your phone and let the baby play with it, try to do peek a boo, offer advice. But the baby might keep on crying no matter what you do.
3) You could simply use the skill of ACCEPTANCE, and accept the fact that the baby is doing what babies naturally do. Cry and be fussy at times. It is not the baby’s fault, it is not the parents fault, it is not your fault. It just is what it is. Of course you don’t WANT of DESIRE to be next to a crying baby on the flight, but you can accept that the baby is crying and will not cry forever and you can try to do what you would normally do or what is important to you (maybe trying to watch a show or talk to the parents or read a book) all the while realizing this in not a pleasurable experience, but no matter how much you hate the baby or try to fix the baby, or try to ignore the baby, that is not what is going to make the baby stop crying and the baby will not cry forever.
Take this metaphor and think of how it can relate to how you deal with unwanted or undesired thoughts, feelings, and situations, and how you can use ACCEPTANCE and realize that the undesired things will pass at some point.
If you want to find out more about my approach the therapy please visit my website www.peterbinnings.com. I offer free 15-30 minute phone consultations. I serve Adults and teens. I am located in the Santa Cruz Downtown and see clients from Santa Cruz, Soquel, Scotts Valley, San Jose, and Los Gatos.
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