Election season is coming again, and if you’re anything like me, you might be burned out on politics. However, when you take a step back, the concept of voting in a democracy is actually something profound. It requires thought, intention, showing up, action, and engagement. And whether we think it matters, voting can have a real impact.
So where am I going with this? (I promise I’m not trying to stir up more anxiety just to drum up business!)
I want to take the idea of voting and apply it to something much closer to home — how you show up in your own life, day by day, moment by moment. There’s an exercise I use in ACT therapy called Voting Your Values. It’s a really helpful way to ground yourself daily and move toward what matters, in good times and especially in hard times.
What Are Values, Really?
First, a word about what I mean by values, because this is where a lot of people get tripped up.
Here are some things values are NOT:
- Values are not goals. A goal is something you check off — finish a degree, run a 5K, call your mom. Values, in contrast, are not something to just check off.
- Values are not destinations. In other words, they’re not something you reach and then complete.
- Values are not feelings. “I want to feel happy and stress-free” is a wish, not a value. Feelings come and go, like waves in the ocean. In fact, the more we try to control feelings, the more we can get stuck.
- Values are not dependent on others. “I’ll apologize when they apologize” is a condition, not a commitment.
- Values are not aspirations on a poster. They’re not something you admire from a distance or try to emulate.
What Values Actually Are
So then, what are values? Here’s how I define them in ACT therapy for anxiety:
- They’re ways of being — qualities you bring to your actions, over and over, in the small moments and the hard ones alike.
- They are something you enact. For example, values are manifested in the specific actions you take each day.
- They are a direction you move in. If “being present” is a value of yours, it’s something you can practice with your partner in good times and in bad. You don’t reach “being present” — instead, a parent who wants to be present for their kids works on doing that every day.
- Values are anchors. Much like a ship in the ocean getting tossed around, it can drop anchor to stabilize — not wait till the storm passes. Similarly, values can ground and anchor us when times get hard.
The Exercise: How to Vote Your Values
Here’s how the exercise works. First, take a moment and think of two or three things you struggle with regularly. These might be feelings, patterns, or ways you find yourself getting stuck — things like giving up, hopelessness, anger, sadness, worry, feeling overwhelmed, or that nagging sense of not being good enough. They can be big things or small things. Just something real, something you’re willing to look at.
Write those down on one side of a piece of paper.
Pairing Your Struggles with Your Values
Next, on the other side, write down how you want to be instead. Importantly, this is not how you want to feel — it’s how you want to act. For each struggle, pair it with a value. For example:
- Purposeful vs. Lazy
- Present vs. Checked out
- Grateful vs. Hopeless
- Living vs. Just getting through it
Put that paper somewhere you’ll see it every morning. Then, when you start your day, VOTE.
Take a moment to pause. Sit with where you are. And decide, as best you can, how you want to show up today. Not perfectly. Not forever. Just today. Vote on how you want to be.
Why This Matters for Anxiety
We don’t control a lot of what happens in a day. For instance, we don’t control how work will go, how other people will act, what traffic will be like, or what life will throw at us. However, we do get to decide how we want to show up.
What to Do When You Drift
Here’s the key: when you notice yourself drifting — pulled toward the old pattern, the avoidance, the reaction you’re tired of — you don’t have to white-knuckle your way through it. Instead, you just come back to the ballot. What did I vote for today? What matters enough to move toward, even right now, even in this?
That’s not a pep talk. That’s a context shift. In other words, it moves the question from how do I feel to how do I want to be.
Small Daily Votes Add Up
Over time, that small daily act of voting — choosing your values before the day chooses for you — starts to organize your behavior. As a result, you’re no longer building your life around avoiding discomfort. Instead, you’re building a life where you take valued actions.
That’s what values are for. Not the calm days. The stormy ones.
And finally, if you’re like me and ask yourself, “Do I get a sticker if I vote my values, like when I vote in elections?” — then YES! Go buy some stickers and give them to yourself at the end of the day if you voted your values. You deserve that sticker!
— Peter Binnings
If you found this post helpful and want to find out more, visit my website at www.peterbinnings.com. You can book a session or reach me by email at . I’m an ACT therapist specializing in treating anxiety, and I work with adults, couples, parents, and teens. I’m located near Santa Cruz and serve clients in the Aptos, Soquel, Watsonville, Los Gatos, and Scotts Valley areas. I’m also licensed in Rhode Island and work virtually with clients there.
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