When we are feeling lost in life we need a direction. I like to work with people on identify what their values are (who they want to be, how they want to relate to others).
Values are like a compass. When you are lost, you can pull out your compass and choose a direction and move in that direction to get to a better place. Our values are like that. But it is hard to know what we value and what is important. I like this skill because it can help use get a better sense on what is important to us and what we want to focus our time and energy on.
A professor stands before their college class and puts a large empty container on the desk. They fill the empty container with ping-pong balls and ask the students if the jar is full. They agree it is.
Then the professor takes a bag of small rocks and fills the container with them. They filer down between the ping-pong balls until they fill the container to the top. Once again the professor ask if the container is full, and the students agree it is.
Now the professor pulls out a bag of sand and pours it in to the container, filling the spaces between the balls and stones. Again they ask if the jar is full. The students all say yes.
Finally the professor takes two cups of tea and pours them in filling the container to the top with liquid.
The professor then says. “This container represents yours life. The ping-pong balls are the important things- family, friends, your kids, your physical health, your passions- things that if everything else was lost and they only remained, your life would still be full. The small rocks are the other important things in your life- your car, money from your job, your house. The sand is everything else- the little stuff. If you put the sand in first you have no room for the rocks, let alone the ping-pong balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small things, you won’t have space for the important things. Make time for the things that crucial to a meaningful life. Play with your kids, go on a date with your spouse, travel, read a good book, make art, do your hobby, see your doctor, get exercise. There will always be time for the small stuff (the chores, the errands). Prioritize the ping-pong balls first, they things that really matter. The rest is just sand.”
A student raises their hand and ask “What about the tea?’ The professor says, “I’m glad you asked. It goes to show that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for tea with a friend.”
Use this skill to think about balance in your life. Of course you need to deal with the sand, but are you focusing more on the sand and is than the balls and avoiding what is really meaningful in your life. I find that often with anxiety, we can spend a lot more time focused on the sand task (say cleaning the house or worrying about little things) as a form of avoidance and it comes at the expense of the ping-pong balls (say spending time with your partner). You can start to ask yourself what are your ping-pong balls, what is your rocks, and what is your sand and how much time are spending with each and is there a way to shift the balance if needed.
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