Couples Therapy

Breaking out of stuck patterns — and building a relationship guided by what you actually value.

The Same Argument, Again

Most couples who come to see me aren’t in crisis. They’re just exhausted. They’ve had some version of the same argument dozens of times. They love each other, but something keeps getting in the way — a cycle they can’t seem to exit no matter how hard they try.

Often what’s happening isn’t a communication failure exactly. It’s that both partners are responding to difficult emotions — fear, hurt, rejection, shame — in ways that make sense individually but make things worse together. The more one person pursues, the more the other withdraws. The more one person criticizes, the more defensive the other becomes. These patterns can feel intractable, but they’re not.

How I Work with Couples

I approach couples therapy through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). That means we spend time not just on what’s happening between you, but on what’s happening inside each of you — the thoughts, feelings, and reactions that drive the patterns you’re stuck in.

ACT-based couples work involves three broad areas:

What We’ll Work On Together

Every couple is different, but here are some of the things couples commonly bring to sessions with me:

• Repeating arguments that never seem to get resolved
• Emotional distance or disconnection
• Difficulty communicating without escalating
• Recovering from a breach of trust
• Navigating a major life transition together (new child, career change, loss)
• Feeling more like roommates than partners
• Wanting to build a stronger foundation before problems deepen

What Sessions Look Like

In our first session, I’ll want to understand both of you — your history, what’s been hard, and what brought you here. I ask a lot of questions. I’m genuinely curious about what makes your relationship tick, what you’ve already tried, and where you want to end up.

From there, sessions are typically a mix of conversation, reflection, and practical exercises. I’m an active therapist — I’ll often introduce specific tools or techniques when I think they’ll help. I don’t just listen and nod; I offer observations, make suggestions, and help you practice new ways of being with each other in real time.

My goal is for each session to feel like progress — something you leave with, not just something you talk about.

Do Both Partners Need to Be Committed?

Ideally, yes. The work is most effective when both partners are genuinely willing to look at their own contributions to the dynamic — not just waiting for the other person to change.

That said, I understand that partners often come in at different levels of readiness. Part of my role is to create a space where both people feel heard and safe enough to do the work. If one partner is skeptical, that’s okay — skepticism often softens once someone actually experiences what therapy can be.

Why ACT for Couples?

Traditional approaches to couples therapy often focus on communication skills and conflict resolution techniques. Those are useful, but they don’t always address the underlying emotional patterns that keep couples stuck. ACT goes deeper: it helps each partner develop a different relationship with their own internal experience, which in turn changes how they show up in the relationship.

In my 20 years of working with couples, I’ve found that the couples who make the most lasting progress are the ones who learn to sit with discomfort — to stop fleeing from difficult conversations and stop fighting for “winning” positions — and instead start moving toward the relationship they genuinely want.

ACT gives us a practical, humane framework for doing exactly that.

I offer free 15–30 minute initial phone consultations. It’s a no-pressure way to ask questions and get a sense of whether working together might be a good fit.

Ready to take the first step?

Call me for a free consultation or click below to schedule a session.

Or call (510) 761-6706